Check out Neurodiverse Love

Adulting while neurodivergent can be an adventure.  Coupling while neurodivergent can be a BIG adventure.  My colleague and friend, Dr. Lorna Hecker, was just interviewed on the Neurodiverse Love podcast, talking about coupling while neurodivergent, and she crushed it!  

As many of you know, Dr. Hecker was a professor at Purdue for 25 years.  She has that professional lecturer, researched based aspect to both her therapy practice and her podcast presentation.  She also has a lot of lived and professional experience with Autism, and sees the strengths and humor that comes with this.

In the Neurodiverse Love podcast, Dr. Hecker talks about sensory sensitivity, power in relationships, burnout for both neurotypical and neurodivergent individuals, strengths, and alexithymia. 

Dr. Hecker was interviewed by Mona, a woman in a 30-year relationship with an autistic partner.  Mona also has a background in social work.  Both Mona and Dr. Hecker note that autism in adults, autistic needs and strengths, and autism in a couple were not covered in their training, and that current graduate school training likely does not sufficiently cover these important topics.  

Of the many important take-aways, both Mona and Dr. Hecker note that couples therapy can be a hurtful experience if the therapist does not understand autism. It isn’t that the couple is “failing” at couples therapy, but that they need to find the right therapist who understands them both, and can serve as a bridge of communication that models health for the couple.  They also both note that taking things personally is something that neurotypicals can excel at, and can undermine health in a relationship with an autistic partner.

Of the many important take-aways, both Mona and Dr. Hecker note that couples therapy can be a hurtful experience if the therapist does not understand autism. It isn’t that the couple is “failing” at couples therapy, but that they need to find the right therapist who understands them both, and can serve as a bridge of communication that models health for the couple.  They also both note that taking things personally is something that neurotypicals can excel at, and can undermine health in a relationship with an autistic partner.

Finally, Dr. Hecker shared that she recently published a book, Different Planets, that has been a popular resource for couples.  I routinely refer couples for therapy with Dr. Hecker, and they tell me that Dr. Hecker (in person, and in her book) genuinely understands autism, and cares about promoting health and wellbeing. If you would like to work with my friend Lorna, please find her here!