Autism and Love, part 2

There was once this notion that we didn’t need to consider dating skills for folks with Autism since they wouldn’t be interested in forming romantic relationships, and certainly couldn’t sustain relationships.  Clearly, nothing could be further from the truth!  My clients tell me they are highly motivated to date, have sex, get married, and generally do the interpersonal work of adulthood.

Some of the desirable dating traits of folks with ASD include:

• My clients with ASD are loyal in friendships, and this extends to dating, too.
• Researchers! My clients impress me with the level of research they are willing to do to sort out the dating scene.
• You can expect consistency in habits and plans when you date someone with ASD.
• My crew may demonstrate their empathy in unexpected ways, but I’m telling you my clients are sensitive to emotions, and demonstrate their love and empathy.
• My clients tell me they benefit from clear communication, and are willing to give the same.  If you ever wondered “where do I stand in this relationship?” when dating a neurotypically wired person, try dating someone with Autism.  They will just tell you.
• Love demonstrated in action (yes, some of those actions may surprise you, but they count!), and probably some great love notes, too.

If you are a person with ASD, you very likely have these traits, but perhaps had not previously considered them to be strengths.

I consistently hear from my married folks on the spectrum that they just want to make their partners happy.  They sometimes struggle to understand what their partners want, but they really, really want to make their partners happy.  They also tell me that sometimes they make some grand gesture of love that their partner doesn’t notice/appreciate.  If you are dating someone on the spectrum, please do try to note those unusual expressions of love.

Next post, additional resources for those who manage their anxiety and get into the dating game!